Things my mother-in-law doesn't like...

I just survived a 10 day visit from my mom-in-law. She's not so bad actually, but as she's gotten older, she's gotten quite vociferous in expressing her dislikes. My husband told her she needs to curb the judgmental act, but I have to admit that I had a great time tallying up all the things for which she expressed extreme dislike or disapproval. It was an eclectic collection, to be sure. Here, in no particular order, are the things she didn't like as of March 25, 2013:

• Tattoos, particularly full sleeves. Simply hideous. What will these people do when they are old and their skin sags?
• Some poor lady's skirt, which had a pattern resembling newsprint. She wanted to know why you would decorate fabric like that. "Why not just wrap yourself in the newspaper? It's cheaper."
• The large piece of artwork hanging in our entryway.
• Edward Gorey artwork. She allowed that the Gashlycrumb Tinies were amusing, but the drawings are ugly.
• The scent of jasmine.
• The paint color I picked out to repaint my kitchen.
• The turquoise, large-faced, funky watch I bought as a cute gift for my daughter. "Will she really wear that?"
• Square cars. I think she means Cubes and Kia Souls, but who knows?
• Televised sports.
• Charles Lindbergh.
• Joseph McCarthy.
• Fat people.
• Novels. Only biographies meet with her reading approval.
• Modern music.
• All dramas on television. Except "Call the Midwife." And "Doc Martin". And "Downton Abbey."
• My son's girlfriend's clothing style (she's a lovely girl and has a great eye for fashion).
• One of the new succulents I bought for the garden. "Not an attractive color."
• Artwork by Kandinsky.
• Nose-piercing by head-hunting tribes in New Guinea (a museum exhibit we attended). The head-hunting apparently received her stamp of approval, but the nose-piercing was just too much.

Boy Scouts and Scientology??

My son is an Eagle Scout, and he just received a bizarre piece of mail from a supposed fellow Eagle Scout named Geary Titus. The letter explained that Mr. Titus had been asked to write a biographical statement for a national Eagle Scout Association book, and in return BSUSA gave him a disc containing the names and addresses of all Eagle Scouts.

He made use of this address list to send Eagle Scouts a book provided by "The Way to Happiness Foundation International". The book's cover featured Norman Rockwell's painting of Eagle Scouts and Boy Scouts, and was also entitled The Way to Happiness.

So what's odd about this? The author of the book is L. Ron Hubbard. That's right, the founder of Scientology. The book is a piece of Scientology propoganda, and the foundation that published it is a Scientology nonprofit group.

What's interesting about this is that the Boy Scouts have been having PR issues about their insistence on expelling atheists from the organization. They proudly proclaim their Christian roots, and use them as an excuse to exclude homosexuals in addition to atheists or anyone who won't agree to invoke God in the Boy Scout oath. Why are they selling their Eagle Scout mailing list to the Scientologists, who are proud to deny the existence of God and extol Scientology as a more "scientific" belief system? This seems antithetical to everything the Boy Scouts purportedly endorse.

Why hasn't this received any negative publicity?

Even more bizarrely, what is the goal of the Church of Scientology? Why in the world are they trying to recruit Eagle Scouts? I'm baffled, and so is my son.

Leaping Lizard Tail

I was sweeping my front patio this morning, pulling out the potted plants one by one to sweep up the leaves and dirt behind them. As I tugged on one of the planters, a large rectangular plastic one overflowing with a hearty succulent, I heard this bizarre clicking noise. It reminded me of the sound of a bird's wings or a large moth's wings beating frantically against a window. I peered behind the planter, and jumped back--it looked like a small, writhing snake flailing in the leaf litter. I looked again, confused by the odd shape of what should have been a head--it was flat rather than curved into a snake jaw.

Oh, lord. I was looking at a lizard's tail. The alligator lizards can drop their tails--or at least the tails will snap off--when the lizard is threatened by a predator. I'd always thought it a rather ridiculous form of protection--how many predators would grab the tail of a lizard and not notice the body running off? Now I understood how this tactic might work--the tail kept thrashing and twitching and twisting for minutes! Any predator, even one as slow and regretful as me, would find the movements distracting and almost hypnotic.

I felt so guilty, imagining a formerly placid, handsome lizard now forced to run around with only a stub for a tail. Do lizards have image issues? Will he or she be humiliated when seeking a mate? Do lizards understand that length isn't everything?

Fifteen minutes later, the tail finally stopped twitching. Quite amazing! How could the nerves still have energy to keep moving so long after separation from the body? I swept up the evidence and put it in the compost bin.